Audio Shows – A User’s Guide

HiFi and audio shows are a bit like music festivals, only with fewer ketamine encrusted yoofs, more grey hair (or just less hair in general), and a higher likelihood of hearing someone use the phrase “I can make that in my shed for £4.50” without a glimmer of irony. They’re the pilgrimage sites of our hobby, where we throng together and gawp at beautifully (and expensively) crafted casework, nod approvingly at avant-garde speaker designs, and engage in not a small amount of looking serious and stroking our chins whilst doing “that” face.

If you’ve never been to one, or even if you’ve been to dozens and still manage to forget your show pass in the hotel room (guilty on more than one occassion), here’s a slightly irreverent guide to surviving, thriving, and maybe even enjoying (God forbid) the experience. It’s a bit tongue in cheek, so don’t be offended if you see yourself in here – just change your behaviour accordingly and we’ll get along just fine! 

On the evening before the show, start by setting your alarm clock. I know, you’re not a morning person at the weekend, but neither is anyone else at 6 am. Get an early night, and for everyone’s sake, have a shower. Show spaces can be small, warm, and intimate places, and there’s only so much “audiophile perfumery” anyone can take before the soundstage starts to close in.

Dress well but sensibly and comfortably. You want to look presentable enough that you’re not mistaken for hotel maintenance, but comfortable enough to last the day without walking like you’ve done Glastonbury barefoot, which I have, as I lost my sneakers tripping on mushrooms in the late 80s. The best advice I’ve ever had about shows came from Flemming Rasmussen, then of Gryphon, now of Audio Group Denmark, who said, “Always wear comfortable shoes.” He wasn’t kidding! You’ll spend hours schlepping along endless corridors carpeted in 1970s beige (or that weird trippy pattern that loads of hotels seem to have), climbing stairs, and standing for demos while pretending you’re not desperate for a sit-down…or a pee.  Trust me: your shoes can make or break your enjoyment of the day.

Buy your ticket in advance if you can. It’ll save you a few quid and might well spare you the queue of people arguing at the door about whether they qualify for the “industry discount” because they once wired a plug. That said, the queue is a good place to natter to folk, and HiFi PiG even give out free buns at the Bristol show on the Saturday. Advance tickets get you in quicker, meaning you can head straight to the rooms instead of slowly losing your will to live behind someone explaining their room treatment setup to the poor staff member scanning barcodes.

Start on the top floor and work downwards! Useful advice, unless everyone follows it and then the advice shifts to start at the bottom! Be adaptable to the conditions!

HiFi shows are one of the few places you can strike up a conversation with a complete stranger about speaker toe-in and not have them back away nervously with “that” look – this is a different look to the chin stroking look mentioned earlier, but you will recognise it when you see it. Everyone there loves HiFi, music, or just ogling kit that costs more than their car. So don’t be shy, talk to folk. Swap stories, make connections, and if you find yourself in an argument about valves versus solid-state, just smile and back away slowly before it turns into a three-hour lecture…or get stuck in…the choice is yours. Be adaptable!

Pick up the show guide as soon as you arrive. They’re usually free, occasionally written in English, and sometimes even printed in advance (or published online) so you can plan ahead. Highlight the brands and systems you really must hear, but make time for the smaller, unknown exhibitors too. The real gems are often found in the quiet rooms at the far end of the corridor; the ones where the designer’s eyes light up because someone has actually shown up to listen.

If the show has an app, use it!

And now we come to one of my biggest bugbears: don’t stand in the flaming doorway. Every show has a few doorway dwellers; the human traffic bollards who stand frozen in the entrance, arms folded, half in and half out and blocking everyone else from getting in or out of the bleeding room. Step inside, find a space, and if it’s busy, be considerate. If you’ve been sitting for a while, offer your seat to someone else. It’s basic decency. Remember, we’re all in this together, even the bloke who insists all digital sources sound “a bit digital” and remembers when you could buy a whole system and still have change from £4.50 for a night out at the local Berni Inn. 

And another thing (and this goes for exhibitors, visitors, and yes, me and Lin too), keep the chatter to a minimum during demos. There’s nothing quite like hearing the opening bars of Keith Don’t Go drowned out by someone loudly explaining their first amplifier purchase from 1973 that cost £4.50…and they still had money left for tomato soup, a steak, and a slice of Black Forest gateau. If you need to talk, take it outside. The people in the room are there to listen, not to audition your conversational skills.

Take breaks! After a few hours of critical listening, even the best system can start to sound like a tumble dryer full of a bag of spanners. Grab a drink (drink responsibly), have something to eat, and rest your ears. Listening fatigue is a real thing, though try not to look too smug about it when explaining to your new friends that your “aural acuity has peaked for the morning session.” However, the bar is not your final resting place today, and you need to tread the thin line of getting too much into the bar bants and forgetting to see the rest of the show, and, well, getting to see the rest of the show.

When you’re back in action after you’ve filled your face, don’t be afraid to ask for a track you know. Most exhibitors are perfectly happy to play something familiar, though asking for your obscure 27-minute Mongolian Throat Metal/Trap mash-up might be met with a “Not today, thank you!”. Keep it reasonable, smile when you ask, and thank them afterwards as they’ve probably already played “Hotel California” 47 times that morning.

The people running those rooms are the unsung heroes of the show. They’ve been there since yesterday, wrestling with cables, acoustics, and hotel power supplies that were never designed to handle four monoblocks and a kettle. Be polite, say thank you, and resist the urge to “just tweak the volume a touch, mate.” Manners cost nothing, and a word of kindness can make someone’s day. 

Shows are about more than just the gear, though. They’re about the people who make it, the people who love it, and the shared madness that drives us all to chase the perfect bit of kit. Some rooms will sound brilliant, others will sound like someone’s playing music through a sock, but that’s all part of the fun. And remember, if you are reviewing a product at a show, then you are doing it wrong; that’s a thing you’ll want to be talking to your bricks and mortar dealer about! A show gives you a broad idea, but don’t judge kit on an audition at a show, down that road lies undue expense!

Go with an open mind, a sense of humour, and comfortable shoes. Don’t take it all too seriously. You might come home with a new favourite brand, a few new friends, and a wallet that feels considerably lighter than when you arrived.

And when you do get home, resist the urge to leap onto your keyboard like a hopped-up warrior on speed and start slagging off everything you heard. Yes, some rooms might not have sounded their best. Yes, someone probably played Keef for the seven-hundredth time. But remember, behind every room is a team of people who’ve hauled heavy gear halfway across the country, wrangled dodgy hotel power and WiFi, and done their level best to make it all sing for you. They’ve put time, effort, and a bit of their soul into the occasion. Be nice. And if you can’t be nice… just keep your opinions to yourself.

And if you spot me there, I’ll be the one with the computer, the wife with the pink hair taking photos, and, thanks to Flemming, the most comfortable shoes in the building. And if you are looking to plan your next visit to a HiFi Show, you could do a lot worse than having a look here at the HiFi PiG HiFi Diary.

Most of all, folks, make sure you have fun!

Stuart Smith

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